We got a crap car

 My husband is a lovely man. A funny man. A hot man (in my opinion). A wicked smart man. 

He is also an economist. Like a real one, with a PhD and everything. 

Usually this is an advantage. I don’t like money, I don’t like to think about money, and with him around, there’s really no need. He does all that stuff, and also kids’ math homework which is really really nice, and I’m free to make parody videos that enrich everyone’s lives. I’ll pass on your appreciation. 

But sometimes it really sucks that he knows things. Because he’s right and I am ill-equipped to argue with him, but he’s also making me drive around in a car held together by duct tape. Make that TWO cars, both of which are held together by duct tape. 

On the general topic of cars, he and I agree. Cars are a massive, annoyingly necessary waste of cash. There’s really nothing to compare them to. Everything else that costs that much is either a lot more fun (vacations, children if you like them), appreciates in value (houses, children who end up with jobs and enduring love for their parents, however rare that is), or isn’t really necessary at all (cosmetic surgery, children if you don’t like them). 

Neither of us wants a fancy car. We agree on that. 

But I just want a car that isn’t held together by duct tape. That’s all I want. I don’t think this makes me a diva or anything. 

It’s been a “terrible time to buy a car” for at least three years now. I think it might have been “less than optimal” before the pandemic. But the pandemic wrecked everything. For awhile there, you might have been able to trade your used car for like a major organ or a gold mine or maybe some children (assuming it wasn’t held together by duct tape and the children were potty trained). Or actually just a buttload of cash, that makes more sense, I’m not sure why I’m trying to be imaginative here. 

Then there was regular inflation on top of special-supply-chain-shortage inflation. Or something. My husband said it wasn’t smart to buy a car. I pointed out that eggs also were very expensive, and yet we were still buying those. He pointed out that eggs were still cheaper than cars. Then he said he didn’t even like eggs and that kind of stupidity was on me. I said, well, I guess you won’t be getting any homemade cookies then. Then he asked me when the last time I made any homemade cookies.

You can see what I’m up against here. 

I used to make fun of those car commercials at Christmas time where someone rides in with a Lexus topped with a massive red bow like some kind of rich-asshole-hero and the other person is all surprised and excited. As if anyone actually does that. As if any normal human who bought a Lexus without discussing it with their partner would even live to see the New Year. This is what I thought. 

The last few years, I ran out into the driveway in my jammies hoping for a Christmas miracle like a damn fool.

I guess I’ve been a very bad girl. Which I thought Santa liked. Apparently, not enough to get a car. 

Anyway, I made a parody video, you’re welcome. 


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