..And I'm back. Sort of.
I haven't felt like writing much lately. That's because I haven't felt much like myself lately. I have in fact undergone a marked personality change. It's quite serious, possibly fatal.
As previously documented, I started doing various crafts during this COVID disaster. I have long done crochet, but then I picked up sewing which led to sewing clothes which led to sewing things with zippers and buttons which led to sewing things with piping which led to fabric art which led to painting which led to buying a label maker which led to a craft closet which led to applique which led to pimping up bought clothes AND OMG I STARTED AN ETSY SHOP.
I know. I told you it was serious.
I was going to stop once the election was over. You see, without getting into politics, the election has caused me just buckets full of anxiety. You'd think liberal democracy was at stake or something. I would try to read a book or write a post and all of a sudden, the thought of Individual 1 winning the election would hit me, and there went my literacy, poof.
Before I knew it, I was in the guest room sewing a cross-body bag. It helped immensely to stay busy, active, in motion, fingers flying. It burned the anxiety right off like one of those mini torches fancy restaurants use to make creme brulee. Living in an autocracy seemed less scary, especially as those types of governments almost always appreciate women accomplished in the domestic arts.
But now the election is over (sort of, mostly, I think), and I can't stop crafting. For one thing, people keep buying things from my shop that I have to make (I've made almost -$200 so far!), then there's Christmas gifts to do. But also I can't read anymore, apparently. And as this post is making abundantly clear, I also suck at writing now. Which, inconveniently, is not just my hobby, it is my job. I now suck at my job. Thanks, 2020! At least I have an Etsy shop that pays me -25 cents an hour to fall back on.
Bottom line is that I am now THAT WOMAN. The mom in that movie One True Thing who makes decorations for all the holidays and seasons and costumes for Halloween and whose career-minded daughter doesn't understand or appreciate until she's dead. The one that eats up everything Martha Stewart is dishing out and doesn't care that she went to prison (the jury was obviously a bunch of jealous people with ugly houses who eat frozen vegetables and don't know how to pronounce "vase"). The lady who has a craft closet with shelves and bins with labels from a label maker. The one who really really needs a dedicated craft ROOM. The one whose bedtime routine includes mining Pinterest for ideas and repeatedly saying to herself, "I could make that."
The woman I have secretly judged all my life because of her obsession with frivolous and pretty things instead of important things like ideas, policy, books, culture.
Turns out those ladies were onto something. This stuff is seriously fun, cheaper than therapy (well, if you sell stuff to cover your supply costs, otherwise it can pretty much bankrupt you), and less destructive than alcoholism. And, it's not an either/or proposition! You can love ideas AND crafts! You can craft AND read (Well, I can't at the moment, but technically it's possible)! You can even think about policy or any number of heady things WHILE YOU CRAFT! It's really quite something!
Here's the part where I convey some very important life lessons that no one has ever thought of before that I have learned during all this so that you can become a better person like me (you're welcome):
-Judge not lest you be judged, or lest you become the very same person whom you are judging. This is actually a lesson The Lord has tried in vain to teach me many times, and we'll see if I've actually learned it this time. If I didn't learn it after I ended up voluntarily in a Hooters 27 minutes after giving a seriously lit diatribe against Hooters, I may not learn if after literally transforming myself into a person I previously judged.
-You can teach an old dog new tricks. It's actually very easy. You lock them in their home for months on end during a raging pandemic and a once-in-a-generation test of democracy, and then they desperately look around for new tricks to learn to avoid going insane. Oh but FYI the actual old dog locked in the house with them will learn nothing. Scratch that, he will learn to beg for food at all hours of the day. Sometimes at night.
-You can have zero artistic talent and find some form of art that you can do. Seriously. And it is good for the soul. Seriously.
-Just because you learned to read at one time, doesn't mean you'll still be able to read later. I mean, you'll be literate, technically, but you won't retain more than one sentence at a time. What I'm saying is don't count on just being able to pick up a book and read it willy-nilly after months away.
-Fabric is laced with an addictive substance and is also not cheap, and unless you find a way to manage it, it will destroy your life. Do NOT start buying it without a damn good plan.
-I need another room in my house for doing crafts and arts and things. Also a better sewing machine. More fabric.
-Lastly, each of us are miraculous houses with many rooms to explore and a thousand wonders to behold. Keep opening the doors, trying new things, see what is there. Surprise yourself with yourself, which makes no sense, but I think it's pretty deep if you think about it, to the point where Oprah is jealous she didn't think of it first.