We are ALL Jared
What started out as an internet meme is becoming an entire philosophy for living that I think will outlive the corona virus. Read on.
You've probably seen this one floating around:
We decided our imaginary, disreputable co-worker would be called Jared. Because, well, obviously. I try to stay away from politics here, so we'll go with the annoying jewelry commercial. But I have no love for the other one, either. I actually saw him in real life, and he looked just as ghostly and incompetent as he does on TV. But, I try not to get into politics here. The jewelry commercial, I think we can all agree, should be banished from the airways for the danger it poses to to epileptics and those with high blood pressure. Also, for being really, really, really dumb, although I suppose that parameter would severely cut into the Constitution's free speech provisions, especially these days.
We've only been blaming Jared for things for less than a day, and it is already transforming our lives. So far Jared has been blamed for:
-Throwing out my back because he did not help me paint our bedroom.
-Taking two days to get around to turning on the outside water valve under the house.
-Not bathing for two weeks.
-Starting loads of laundry but never ever finishing a single load ever.
-Touching his face. Making me touch my face.
-Not feeding the dog.
-Cheating at Splendor.
-Hoarding gems in Splendor.
-Being a sore winner.
-Being a sore loser.
-Sitting on the couch all day doing nothing.
-Throwing up on the rug.
-Drinking all the coffee.
-Drinking all the wine.
-Using too much toilet paper. Stealing others' toilet paper.
-Not doing his homework. Distracting me from not making anyone do his homework.
-Tom Brady still playing football.
-Tom Brady's annoying wife still having a platform to lecture women on motherhood and nutrition.
-The other Jared and also the other Jared.
-The coronavirus.
Not only does this brilliant device allow us to prod each other in a deliriously funny way, that I am sure will not get old after a month or more in quarantine, if also a slightly passive-aggressive way, it is also teaching us a really profound truth by dissociating ourselves ever so slightly from our guilt.
WE ARE ALL JARED.
That's right. We quickly realized, as we complained about Jared, that we all screw up sometimes, we are all annoying sometimes, and we all deserve blame sometimes. Well, everyone else around here is realizing that. I have long freely admitted that about myself, as you know. My goal is that every time someone says, You Suck, instead of lashing out, considering that they are probably at least partly right (I do not claim to succeed every time, because obviously I don't succeed at anything every time). And then I say, You're right, I can suck sometimes. That doesn't mean I am a sucky person incapable of wonderful things, too. It doesn't hurt me to say, I messed up.
And as of today, instead of saying I messed up, I say, I'm Jared. I took a White House job I am not remotely qualified for, promoted polices that benefit me financially, encouraged my father-in-law to fire the FBI Director, thought I could solve the Middle East after reading 25 books, wasted precious time by downplaying the severity of a global pandemic, and wrote a seriously awful Oval Office address riddled with mistakes at a time of national crisis. And I sell overpriced jewelry using an ad campaign that is a human rights violation. Also I drank all the wine while touching my face.
But it's fine. We are all in over our heads, especially these days. We are all Jared.
via GIPHY
You've probably seen this one floating around:
We decided our imaginary, disreputable co-worker would be called Jared. Because, well, obviously. I try to stay away from politics here, so we'll go with the annoying jewelry commercial. But I have no love for the other one, either. I actually saw him in real life, and he looked just as ghostly and incompetent as he does on TV. But, I try not to get into politics here. The jewelry commercial, I think we can all agree, should be banished from the airways for the danger it poses to to epileptics and those with high blood pressure. Also, for being really, really, really dumb, although I suppose that parameter would severely cut into the Constitution's free speech provisions, especially these days.
We've only been blaming Jared for things for less than a day, and it is already transforming our lives. So far Jared has been blamed for:
-Throwing out my back because he did not help me paint our bedroom.
-Taking two days to get around to turning on the outside water valve under the house.
-Not bathing for two weeks.
-Starting loads of laundry but never ever finishing a single load ever.
-Touching his face. Making me touch my face.
-Not feeding the dog.
-Cheating at Splendor.
-Hoarding gems in Splendor.
-Being a sore winner.
-Being a sore loser.
-Sitting on the couch all day doing nothing.
-Throwing up on the rug.
-Drinking all the coffee.
-Drinking all the wine.
-Using too much toilet paper. Stealing others' toilet paper.
-Not doing his homework. Distracting me from not making anyone do his homework.
-Tom Brady still playing football.
-Tom Brady's annoying wife still having a platform to lecture women on motherhood and nutrition.
-The other Jared and also the other Jared.
-The coronavirus.
Not only does this brilliant device allow us to prod each other in a deliriously funny way, that I am sure will not get old after a month or more in quarantine, if also a slightly passive-aggressive way, it is also teaching us a really profound truth by dissociating ourselves ever so slightly from our guilt.
WE ARE ALL JARED.
That's right. We quickly realized, as we complained about Jared, that we all screw up sometimes, we are all annoying sometimes, and we all deserve blame sometimes. Well, everyone else around here is realizing that. I have long freely admitted that about myself, as you know. My goal is that every time someone says, You Suck, instead of lashing out, considering that they are probably at least partly right (I do not claim to succeed every time, because obviously I don't succeed at anything every time). And then I say, You're right, I can suck sometimes. That doesn't mean I am a sucky person incapable of wonderful things, too. It doesn't hurt me to say, I messed up.
And as of today, instead of saying I messed up, I say, I'm Jared. I took a White House job I am not remotely qualified for, promoted polices that benefit me financially, encouraged my father-in-law to fire the FBI Director, thought I could solve the Middle East after reading 25 books, wasted precious time by downplaying the severity of a global pandemic, and wrote a seriously awful Oval Office address riddled with mistakes at a time of national crisis. And I sell overpriced jewelry using an ad campaign that is a human rights violation. Also I drank all the wine while touching my face.
But it's fine. We are all in over our heads, especially these days. We are all Jared.
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