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I am colonoscopy-years-old and still can't assert any kind of authority

Taylor Swift, who is 33, sings, ”I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser.”  Honey, just wait until you are 48 and being b*tch-slapped by a rescue dog who weighs less than a stand mixer.  The face of tyranny This is what my days look like now. I am awakened at 7 by Lilo the Daschund-Yorkie-Chihuahua-Minpin.  (Sidenote: we got his DNA done and the 43% Yorkie was rather shocking, especially to my husband, who specifically requested any new dog be 0% Yorkie. But that’s Yorkies for you, they secretly rule the world. Unless you live with one, then it’s no secret).  I spend 10 minutes attempting to stay in bed longer while he begins to eat the buttons off my pajamas, followed by my nose. I do have a large nose, so maybe it’s for the best.  Then I take him on a walk. This used to be a somewhat pleasant activity. Sure, he acted out some kind of Iditarod fantasy the whole way, but I managed fine, because I am 10 times his weight and can essentially perform as a kind of dog tread

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